Simply Sweet Marriage: Living in the Marriage Desert

March 3, 2009

Living in the Marriage Desert

Keep reading for the Sweet 2 Minute Tip!
I have been following a discussion board about men who live in the "sex desert". These good men are faithful to their wives and remain married, despite the fact that their wives refuse to have sex with them for months or years. So sad! Maybe you are in this same situation! Perhaps you are a "Desert Husband" and perhaps you are a "Desert Wife"...unable to drink from the intimate waters.

I use to think that this intimate ripple was the exception, and not the rule...but for some reason, in the past year, I have talked to or have emailed MANY (now over 40!) women who, for various reasons, rarely have marital relations with their spouse. When I say rarely, I mean once a year or every 2 years is the norm. (Some of you are reading this who have shared with not worry, your privacy is still confidential! I am also not judging you...everyone has reasons and people are multi-dimensional!) These women are faithful to their husbands, but they have blocked the waters, and the valley is now a desert.

My biggest encouragement to other women in this situation is to recognize that whatever the issue is, the problem can be remedied! Yes, you will feel uncomfortable as you face your fears, the issues, or even your spouse...but all the pain and the yuck is sooo worth it. It may take some time. NO, it will not be perfect, and that's okay, life is just that way. Perhaps opening up and discussing it with your husband and/or with a professional counselor will help you. A self-help book or CD's could remedy much. You may be able to work at it a little at a time, and before you know it, the pebbles and rocks will be removed so that the waters can flow into the desert valley. Whatever the issue is...its time to face it, as painful as it can be! I am rootin' for you! The greatest joy you will ever find in life is just up ahead.

I have found that many women need other women to talk to. I am not talking about sharing every intimate detail of your spouse with a friend (that could damage your marriage). I am talking about, sharing the way you feel about intimacy, not being afraid of what may come from the conversation. I am talking about sharing any excitement that you feel about your, "I can't wait until tonight! I get to go out alone with my hot husband!"

I tried the 2 minute trick and it works! For 2 minutes a day for 2 days (yes time it), think about your spouse and why you fell in love. What is it about their body that you are attracted to? Eyes? Strong Hands? Hair? Maybe it is their sense of humor or personality? Really close your eyes and think about them and nothing else! (Forget about the dirty dishes). On the 3rd day you go to 3 minutes, 4th day go to 4 minutes, 5th day...well you get the picture. Easy enough right? When you get to 10 minutes, it gets tricky with life, but you can start adding in 2 and 3 minutes here and there.

So if you would like to read more about this subject, you can! I am sending you to Laura Brotherson's blog where you can even make up a fake name and discuss this without anyone knowing its you! This article is written for men, but I found it really informative. Help for Husbands Stranded in the Sexual Desert.
Hugs! It takes time and energy but it is so so worth making yourself a Simply Sweet Marriage!